“Nice guys finish last.” This is what the parents of my girlfriend when I was in college told me. I didn’t know how to articulate the conflicted feeling I had when they dumped that bit of wisdom on me. I was then and still am a “nice guy” so there was no ducking this flaming arrow. They said in essence – keep in mind this was in New Jersey so they didn’t mince words – that you can’t be a nice guy and expect to be a success in business or amount to anything. In fact I would get pushed around and run over in the rat race that I was soon to enter upon graduation. I suppose they were concerned that their daughter might marry some sort of Jesus freak and move to California (I did move to California) or even Colorado (still there) even though back then I was far from being a Jesus freak!
All I heard was that I needed to live a divided life to survive and to succeed in life. You know, act one way “out there” and act the opposite way or a different way with those you know and love and yet another way at church or in public. My persona should change based on the context or situation. The assumption that they made, and it’s probably as true now as it was then, was that this is the way most people live their lives.
Of course I took issue with their “wisdom” and told them so and why. All I remember from the rest of the conversation was they were quite sure that I’d end up lost, lonely and poor if I was my true self 24/7. They only thing I had in my arsenal after being backed into a corner was to tell a joke I heard years before – “You know, the problem with the rat race is that even if you win the race, you’re still a rat.” It probably didn’t help my case.
Reflecting back on that conversation, if I wasn’t so shocked, I should’ve thanked them for their frankness. This was something I never thought about much back then– living a divided life – and they helped to bring it front and center in my mind and soul and I’ve kept it there ever since. It was a defining moment in my personal growth and in my interior life. So, my belated thanks Ed and Marilyn wherever you are!
The subject of living a divided life, really the opposite, learning to live an integrated life is at the very core of Attollo and many, many business owner and leaders are benefiting from its gifts since its inception. Thank God for that!!
